Chapter 389: In Which I Shred

I swear that's all I did at work today. It's not true, but it feels like it. I go in at 8, which is when I go in Wednesdays and Fridays. I open the building, as I tend to be there right at 8 instead of at 8:15. Half an hour later, no one else has come in. I wonder if maybe I didn't get a memo... The big issue is that I only have about forty minutes of work before I need one of the ladies who makes me do things to direct me. And neither of them are there. One of them does show up, not too long after I'd started to go quietly insane, and I did some other random stuff. But she was very preoccupied, and the rest of my stuff was all taken care of. I swiveled in my chair a lot. Then she left early. And the other lady was off doing who knows what. So I could work on employee files, which I didn't want to do, or shred the giant stack of paper that was waiting to be shredded. I chose to shred. Her shredder hates life, and anyone who tries to use it. It warmed up to me after awhile, and needed to be turned off and cleaned only once every ten pages instead of every three. This, however, was after two very large, and time consuming clogs that I had to clean out. This involved the scissors, a paper clip, and me detaching my nail from my thumb. I work in an office, right? You'd think I'd injure myself when I coach. No. I get paper and cardboard cuts, I detach nails, stab myself with prongs, and in general mildly wound myself. It's quite pathetic really. At gymnastics though, nothing ever happens to me. Sure, sometimes I get kicked in the face, or almost landed on, but nothing as serious as paper cuts. My life is truly fraught with danger. I'm going to go clean the bathroom....