Well, That's A Bit Odd

Remember that roommate I used to have? I taught her how to do handstands, and she's a porn star, and has a 30 year old boyfriend? Yeah, so the important part in this story is the 30 year old boyfriend. The next important part is the part where she may be delaying a mission to possibly marry the guy, who may be proposing soon. Also, I have a friend that I went to high school with. We are good friends, and there are essentially two women he dates. Me and a curvy expensive car (bahahahahaha! Some of you will get that....). Point is. He asked me out. I could not go, for personal health reasons, and I would have to take the day off and he asked the night before. So. That was a no. And like I said, he only dates two women. Other women who he could have dated either had newly acquired boyfriends and were in love, or were backpacking off in the wilderness. That kind of thing. So he was freaking out about finding a woman. So I say to roommate, "You should go. That would be hilarious." (We are Latin dancing at the time. It's been quite uneventful for the past while). This suggestion results in just that. So my friend from high school who may or may not be madly in love with me, took my ex-roommate who is also my brother's ex-girlfriend who is practically engaged to a 30 year old man on a date. Which was a triple that included my little brother, and the other two were boys that I had been their first dates for. Just some of those crazy random happenstances of life. Plus, later that day she had a date with her boyfriend. Hilarious? I think yes. Appreciable by the boyfriend.....? I don't actually know. Knowing my friend, and the content of their date's discussion, I would say yes, as he is about as threatening in the romance area as a stuffed bunny, without any hard facial features.

Um....

Writing a post used to be, "Oh my! So many options! Of what shall I write?" Now it's like, "Uh..... turns out I have nothing to say. I can't just write about nothing. That's so.... just no." So then I don't write. However, I am absolutely feeling the urge to make my mark upon this world, to put myself out there, and to say something to all you people. You know. The idea that somehow this reaches past my computer screen. Besides, I can't disappoint my devout audience (I haven't obtained much popularity, so I don't have plurality, thus it's not "audiences"). One reader suggested I write stories about my adventures on choir tour. This would be entertaining. However, I am in something of a lethargic, unentertained mood, and so to write of entertaining things in an unentertained fashion would be much like cooking delicious food when you're not hungry. I'm not sure I know what that means. But. Irrelevant. Point is, this is going to be one of those rambly post where you're like, "I have no idea what she's talking about." But it will be short, so you'll only have time to think that once, and then it will all be over. This wouldn't be true if I didn't have to go to work. But I do. So I'm going to put in my squirrel earrings, not eat more food, forget something that I should do or bring, and then leave. 

Have a lovely day :)

A Mythical Morning

I took a bath this morning. It was a lovely bath. I put me some comfrey in it. I am a leprous human being (not for real, but for real), and comfrey is good for drawing out infection. So I decided to add comfrey to my bathing experience. Upon getting into my leafy tub, I left this world and became an minor ancient Greek goddess. I became a nymph. It's quite hard to not feel nymph like when you're covered in little green leafy things as you bathe about. Also, my grandmother has quite the fanciful tub. So that helped. In any event, this meant that my life had changed from working as a gopher in an office, coaching gymnastics, and going on dates to running away from amorous satyrs, frolicking about in the woods, eating delicious fruits, and following gods about. I decided that following the gods wasn't my style. If they really want you they'll find you. Avoiding amorous satyrs sounded good, and so did eating (especially fruit). Also frolicking, which I believe involves dancing, and I am quite fond that. Therefore, if you need me I would look in the woods, in the produce section of the grocery store, or in the bath (but that's inappropriate, so maybe just knock on the bathroom door).

Then I got out of the tub and drained it. Then I told my friend that if she went in the bathroom and found little green things all over the tub, I didn't know anything about it.

Chapter 389: In Which I Shred

I swear that's all I did at work today. It's not true, but it feels like it. I go in at 8, which is when I go in Wednesdays and Fridays. I open the building, as I tend to be there right at 8 instead of at 8:15. Half an hour later, no one else has come in. I wonder if maybe I didn't get a memo... The big issue is that I only have about forty minutes of work before I need one of the ladies who makes me do things to direct me. And neither of them are there. One of them does show up, not too long after I'd started to go quietly insane, and I did some other random stuff. But she was very preoccupied, and the rest of my stuff was all taken care of. I swiveled in my chair a lot. Then she left early. And the other lady was off doing who knows what. So I could work on employee files, which I didn't want to do, or shred the giant stack of paper that was waiting to be shredded. I chose to shred. Her shredder hates life, and anyone who tries to use it. It warmed up to me after awhile, and needed to be turned off and cleaned only once every ten pages instead of every three. This, however, was after two very large, and time consuming clogs that I had to clean out. This involved the scissors, a paper clip, and me detaching my nail from my thumb. I work in an office, right? You'd think I'd injure myself when I coach. No. I get paper and cardboard cuts, I detach nails, stab myself with prongs, and in general mildly wound myself. It's quite pathetic really. At gymnastics though, nothing ever happens to me. Sure, sometimes I get kicked in the face, or almost landed on, but nothing as serious as paper cuts. My life is truly fraught with danger. I'm going to go clean the bathroom....

Do You Love Me?

Do you love me?

Then tell me so.

Do you need me?
Do you want me?

Then tell me so.

Do you like my smile?
Would you like me to stay awhile?
Do you think about me when I'm gone?

Then tell me so.

Do you care about me?
Do you cry for me?
Do you pray for me?
Do you hope for me?

Then tell me so.

Do you want for me?
Do you fight for me?
Do you keep me close to your heart?
Do you sigh for me?
Would you die for me?

Then tell me so.

I love you.
I want you.
I love your smile, and want you to stay all the while.
I think about you often.
I care for you, cry for you, pray for you, hope for you.
I want what you want.
I fight for you.
I hold you near and dear to my heart.
I sigh for you.
I would die for you. 

Spew

Sometimes, I house sit for my grandparents. And there aren't really any computers there that they didn't take with them, or that they want to be used. I also haven't dug my laptop out of my filthy bedroom where I haven't actually moved into yet, or gotten my other laptop fixed. So I kinda sorta more or less completely gave up on bothering with the whole computer thing. It just so happens that at the moment I'm in Idaho with my friend for her graduation, and she's doing a lot of stuff that she needs to do, and I have her computer. Thus, my email has been taken care of for the first time in over a month, and I am also writing a blog post! Yay! Because you all missed me, so much. Not really, but the little thing that tells me how many page views I have is telling me zero. Which is a little depressing when you think of all the millions of people who get on the internet every day for obscene amounts of time. Not really though, because this is the kind of thing that's hard to find on purpose. Also, my hair, on it's growing out way, looks super goofy when I sleep on it wet. Just so everyone knows. I might get it shaped and cut again, but not until after I pay for a variety of other stuffs. Oh, the life of a poor college student. I really really want Latin dancing shoes. And I haven't been for FOUR WEEKS. I'm dying here. It's really quite tragic. BUT! Next week. It will happen. And much joy and happiness will result, and I will get to see mi amiga my once upon a time roommate. And my phone is dying. But not dead yet. Point is, the screen has acquired a scratch, and I don't really know how that happened. And grump. But it's okay. It's a good little (it's actually pretty big...) phone. And my friend has a graduation tree! It's like a Christmas tree, but with very different ornamentation. And I hate clothes. And my leprosy. And it's a good day for doing nothing. Oh yeah! The crack on my screen kinda looks like a flattened spider... Like off the comic strip Garfield? Yeah, that. It's actually pretty cool. And because I have a sweet flippy screen, it changes position. Oh yeah. And I brought my little sister to Idaho with me, but I seem to have lost her... I don't know where she's gotten off to... I also don't know if I should be worried about that. And I might need to get dressed soon, because the blow dryer just went off. That sounds suspiciously like someone who is almost ready to start a day. I guess I'll go get on that... Sigh....

I've Been Expecting You

You know those dramatic moments in movies, when the hero walks into an office with an amazing city view, and there's the bad guy behind a desk, facing the window, who then turns dramatically and smoothly, with fingertips together and says, "I've been expecting you."? One time that happened to me, but just a bit differently. Picture this. You walk into the public restroom. Sitting in a char (it did not swivel) facing the door is a small person. Fingertips together, legs crossed, the whole schmear, and they say, "I've been expecting you," with a mischievous little grin. Generally in a Hollywood flick you can determine or know exactly what such a line/scenario would mean. In real life, it's a little less straight forward. Expecting me? Because I'm human and would have to pee eventually? Because someone framed me to set up a meeting to set my life on a roller coaster of action packed events? Because you're clinically insane? Because I told my little sister that I needed to pee, and then got waylaid by someone, so she ran to the bathroom and sat in the chair and waited for me because she might be a little something of a weirdy? Oh that one makes sense...

Then! There was the time I accidentally woke her up at about midnight. I was sleeping in her room because mine was inhabitable at the time. She had fixed the remote that turned on her light from any location, and so had put that in some unknown place. This meant that I could not flip on the light and check to see what obstacles lay in the way of my getting to the bed, and where she was so that I wouldn't land on her. So I just went for it. Tripped over a lot on my way to the bed, made a lot of noise, and totally landed on her. This resulted in her waking up and about an hour of giggling or so. We talked, but mostly giggled. Probably because my little sister would say things like, "Oh! I have bubbles on my underwear!" Because she's super odd. I wonder where she gets it....